When the Rug Gets Pulled: The Shock of Moving Home on Short Notice

It starts with a phone call.
Or maybe a forwarded email.
“We’re moving,” he says.
Not in a few months. Not after a scouting trip.
Just… now.

And just like that, the countdown begins—
and your world tilts.

The Hidden Whiplash of Sudden Moves

Being a trailing spouse means your life runs on someone else’s schedule. But when the decision to move comes with barely enough time to breathe—let alone prepare—it can feel like your entire existence is being managed by a faceless HR department. One that doesn’t know your kids' names, your community ties, or what this upheaval actually means for you.

The hardest part? The total lack of control.

You’re fielding logistics you didn’t choose—packers arriving on a random Tuesday, Temporary housing choices, schooling questions without answers, and a partner who’s already mentally (or physically) clocked into the new job. There’s no recon trip. No time for “let’s make a plan.” Just go. And once again, the emotional labour of holding it all together falls squarely on you—without the power to call the shots.

On top of that, you have no time to process or grieve. Your wishes come last, and your identity that you have build up is pulled from right underneath you.

When ‘Home’ Isn’t Really Home Anymore

Going home should feel comforting. Familiar.
But for many expats, especially after years abroad, “home” is more concept than destination.

You’ve changed.
Your kids have changed.
They might speak three languages, have friends from five continents, and celebrate everything from Diwali to Ramadan to Christmas. And now? They’re expected to slot back into a “normal” local school system—like nothing ever happened.

You might find the friends you left behind have moved on. Or maybe you have.
The rhythms of daily life feel foreign.
The admin is crushing.
The social cues feel slightly… off.
And the friendships you made abroad—the ones that held you up—don’t have an easy replacement.

Expat friendships are intense. They're forged fast and deep, like family.
Leaving that bubble behind is a heartbreak of its own.

And when the return home is sudden? The reverse culture shock hits like a freight train. No gentle re-entry. Just a jolt. A full-blown uprooting into soil that doesn’t quite fit anymore.

Especially when you didn’t ask for it.

The Invisible Weight of the Trailing Spouse

There’s something uniquely isolating about being the one left behind to sort the pieces.
The partner is off building their next chapter.
You’re juggling shipping crates, goodbye cupcakes, school meltdowns—and holding everyone else’s emotions while quietly ignoring your own.

No corporate rep is asking how you’re doing.
No one’s scheduling a check-in for your mental health.

It’s assumed you’ll figure it out. You always do.

The sacrifices aren’t seen by the company that is now moving you- behind the highlight reels and the “how lucky you are,” there’s real cost:
Missed birthdays. Lost roots. Constant reinvention.
Trying to create a stable home for your children—again and again—on borrowed ground.

If This Is You Right Now…

You’re not being dramatic.
Your overwhelm is valid.
Your grief is real.
You are not “just the spouse.”

You are the emotional centre of your family.
And what you’re carrying is heavy.

So if you’re staring down another move—especially one “home” that doesn’t even feel like yours anymore—please hear me when I say this:

This is f*cking hard.

Find your people, that will support you on both sides of your life. Expat & Home.

Amy

The Settled Circle is where we talk about this side of expat life.
The messy. The beautiful. The brutal. The human.

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